i am back...

it's been a long time since i blog le... feeling super sian todae... was thinking through alot about my work, studies and relationship... so many random thoughts... recently these one months plus ever since i blog, so many things actually happen..

so many things happen at work.. work is full of politics even though is juz a small education centre... why is there so many politics.. firstly, it all ended up with the management of the company.. ever thinking why muz they create such politics in the company.. why cant they work happily as a team.. why muz they push responsibilities to one another.. it makes ur employee suffer... secondly... ur boss can talk bad things about u behind ur back but being super nice in front of you... thirdly... ur colleagues juz do the things they wan and not care about wat other people feel... they juz onli protect their own rice bowl and destroy others... from all these... i realised that nothing is free in this world and there are no true friends in this world...

everyday going to work is juz like dragging urself to fight another war... is a war not with ur enemies but a war with a bunch of students and ur peers... when can i realli get out of this place... when can the system of kumon change... yes... i admit wat my boss sae about me.... i am a monster at work... but do i have to do to this extend... have u ever understand me... why muz u always pinpoint at others... have u ever thought hwo others feel... if u so smart... u sit down and clear all the problematic students... u already label them under the 'turtle club' so dun ever think they will move fast even thought they have a one to one attention with me...

state an example... yesterday was realli a horrible day... a day that wasnt organize at all... this is called biasness... one staff observing inside... one staff doing preschooler... one staff doing preschooler cum clear problematic students... the rest are juz the same... talking about myself and not about the rest... i was in a good mood yesterday when i went to work after my dinner with ST... at first it was alright... help to try clear students as fast as possible but still there was a jam in the students and the marking... at around 6plus... i had a student with me and he is doing maths and english... he knows hw to do recording for english so practically he knows hw to do maths recording... but he tell me one thing sae i dunno hw to do... and my boss was right behind me... then she said this... 'someone always help the students to record wat'... then i sae he knows how to record english wat... so he should noe hw to record maths...then she sae u dare sae u never help them record... i sae independent students i seldom help them record... after she said that i was still alright.. still can joke and stuff... but as the time passes.. many students come in... there were like around 6 to 8 students who need help at preschooler and out of them, there were 3 students doing 4A maths, 1 doing 7A English and 6A Maths and 1 doing 5A English and 4A maths... all these people i take myself... k... she ju throw from my another colleague and ask me to take... then the 3 students doing 4A maths onli come at 7.30... havent even 30 mins, she come and ask me whether are they done... u think i superwoman... u think those students are so smart to do so fast le ar... then sae i clear students so slow.. around that time i oso kanna another two students.. one doing chinese and one doing higher level maths... the student doing chinese with me has already exceeded the time when my boss throw him out to me and ask me to take him... and he is onli at the front page of the second page... hw u expect him to do it fast when he every question also ask u... then when he finally finished his CW and was being marked, my boss took the paper and saw the timing and questioned me... then went to tell her husband abt it... haiz.. cant they understand why he is so slow.. he juz dun move.. what u expect me to do... then another student also doing higher level maths... she noes hw to do but she still takes her own sweet time to do her work... accumulate so much corrections.. and i had to tell my boss to adjust her work to corrections for her next CW as her CW has alot of mistakes... then my boss sae she is not sae left alone and no one look after.. then she continue sae she has one to one attention... so she is saying.. i have nothing to sae but juz admit it.. cos the more u sae the more she will sae u.. so what's the point of talking back... so after she updated, i left the file in the basket.. tidy up my table, pack my bag and sign out and left... it's been quite sometime since i did nothing after the class and juz walk off... feelings: angry, unhappy, etc... dunno hw to describe...

tat's all abut work... WORK=STRESS=TIRED!!!!!!

now studies... exam is round the corner... exam stress and fear... there is so much to study.. i cannot afford to fail again... quite scary... i am so tired.. revision lessons are going on... as time goes by, u have lesser time to study... counting down from todae... i onli left with 33 days to my first paper, MM... muz start studying hard... STUDIES=STRESS!!!

relationship has been fine with me and him... but there are still quarrels... probably i am juz too sensitive... i always feel he dun care for me and onlu concentrate on his work... but i misunderstood him... even there are times i said i wan to leave him... why... i oso dunno.. but i realli love him alot... probably we spend most of our time @ my house downstairs to study and he does his work.. i noe he is facing alot of stress at work... i tried to give him my best support.. I am sorry for all those words i sadi yesterday... I love you lots, dear... Lastly, i am looking forward to weekends and i can see him... sunday is also another special day for me, him and my family cos is our 7months and my mummy's birthday... hope everything will be fine...

I realli feel so much beta after this long blog... shall end here and start revision...

[Camille]