thoughts about everything...

juz came back from vivo city.. Yesterday and today was my pay day... Therefore, decided to pamper myself and Dear to a nice and sumptuous dinner... decided to go vivo city for dinner... heez.. pass by a restaurant called The Mussels Shop... Reasonable Pricing and the food is great... even though the portion is not very big but it's very filling... we also had red wine from Chile which cost $6.50 per glass... so cool and cheap.. yummy and tasty... had a good chat of work, future and everything... Dear paid for the cakes for Daddy and Mummy's anniversary and I paid for the dinner... then took 188 home with Dear... Thanks Dear for the happy night.. Hugs...

actually over this one month to two months plus i know a lot of friends and met lots of problems...

I have been wondering sometimes whether am I so useless that I really dun have a single true friend... it seems like my communication with them are so limited...

I have been questioning myself...

Have I been thinking too much?

Am I really that useless to my friends, colleagues and family?

Am I really very possessive over people?

I really dunno... I think a lot.. I also scare myself a lot...

Recently have been having lots of misunderstanding and miscommunication with lots of my friends, my family and even Dear... I am juz so useless sometimes that I juz feeling like ending my life...

I dunno le... but juz feel super lousy and moody these few days...

Spoken to Dear juz now regarding my thoughts and feelings that he might leave me one day, he scolded me... telling him how my friends treat me.. he say i think too much.. I really dunno but utter disappointment to myself...

I was also thinking of increasing my work days to help RD and also to share some burden from YM.. it's been a long time since i work with her... and as for YM, she has been falling sick recently and Boss dun let her off.. I also dunno what to do... I juz felt that time is not enough for me to complete my things... work is stress, kumon also got so many problems...

Work: troubles from suppliers when they chase for payment, clearing all the backlog and current work together and also other admin duties...

Kumon: it is not that i want Boss to die so fast... I juz wanna let them know that life without us, they must also know how to handle and not blame us for taking leave, finding holiday jobs and work only for a certain period of time... why must say bad about others?? I admit I do say bad things about them but do u think I wan if they treat me good in front an at the back of you... Recently also have been arguing over some matters about work till some of us are not happy with each other... I really dunno what to say but really give my concern to them.. juz hope all these won't destroy our relationship... juz feel that I am being left out... I really dunno... considering of quitting Kumon but dun bear to see my Boss suffer without staff... sometimes i do pity my Boss and sometimes I am also angry with her...

Having thinking through so much... What are friends for? - I still dun have an answer to it.. cos most of my friends I know take me for granted...

I juz hope everything will be fine for me... Probably I should be a loner...

dunno what to say le... shall end here... tml is another long day... hope tml will be a beta day...

[Camille]